aleatory: Dictionary.com Word of the Day aleatory: pertaining to accidental causes; of luck or chance; unpredictable. Nebulous like an octopus I feel like such a wuss When I can't  get out of bed in the morning Incongruous, so grotesque I feel like such a mess When I won't to get out of bed in the morning I practically leap up in the mornings, these days - of course, it's a long way down out of the loft bed, from where I've slept for the past year and a half...so it's more of a gentle crawl.  …

Addiction is hard - to a substance, an ideal, a person, a past.  They all have similar results.  The romantic notion of addiction is considerably worse.  It is a belief in oneself that stultifies oneself.  There is no progress from a person who cannot admit they are merely addicted to being addicted.  Chemical addiction is still extremely dangerous.  Wet-brained or junked-out, hand-to-mouth pill-popping or daily-inhalation:  I cannot concur that any of those things are …

Okay, not really...but it's fun to be melodramatic. I'm mostly-convinced that the bulk of the world's problems - on both the smallest and the largest scale(s) - are propagated simply out of the pleasure derived from conflict.  It can really make a person feel important, or actually BE important, for a moment or awhile.  1) Be a better boyfriend 2) Be more patient with people 3) Get better at piano 4) Get better at drums 5) Get better at singing (that'll never happen - but I need 10 things on …

I decided to play the little social experiment over the last few days, in which I smile pleasantly at all strangers I encounter.  It's surprisingly effective.  People really light-up, in return.  It really breaks down any outward hostility, quickly.  The east coast is so unnecessarily harsh.  Everyone seems to walk around with a sneer, inwardly or outwardly.  The west coast is much more friendly.  I can't wait to go back - for many reasons, one in particular.  …

It's funny, right?  Yep.  No, seriously.  It's funny.  One has a "blog" so one can prattle on endlessly about oneself.  So...here goes: I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning, and by "hard time" I mean "I never got out of bed this morning."  Why?  I was tired.  Why was I tired?  Sleepless nights are catching up with me.  Did I have work today?  Yep.  Did I have things I was supposed to do?  …

I spoke to a dear old friend tonight.  He was out, at a bar, hanging out, drinking beer and having fun.  I was home, in my pyjamas, drinking tea and feeling sick. This isn't intended to create pity for me.  I was overjoyed to catch up with him.  Everything's headed in the right direction...his life is on the right path.  That's the best I can ever hope for, for my friends.  It's just nice to know that I'm still on their radar, somewhere.  I'm still of relevance to …

"There are cases in which a woman, however weak and helpless in character compared with a man, suddenly becomes harder not only than a man, but than anything on Earth."

It's all well and good.  It's all someone else's fault.  It's all someone else's doing.  Until it is wholly yours.

-dp

Hmmm.  ...hmmmm. Good weekend.  Finished up "A Girl Of My Own" - mix forthcoming, hopefully it's a bit better than the other new ones, which require revisiting - and spent some quality time with quality people in a less-than-quality environment known as New York City. I attach so much negative emotional energy to that place, I'm unsure I could - or would, or should - ever call it home again.  It would feel like somewhat of a regression; Philadelphia, however, feels somewhat …

I am so enamored with a girl. 

I really feel like I had the shit kicked out of me.  Over and over.  Everything I tried, I got kicked again.  And again.

And she just does nothing but tell me she loves me, and makes me feel it with everything she does and says. 

Now, I'm ready to start kicking the shit out of everything else.  Turnabout is fair play, bitches. 

And I have friends that love me.  And people who I work with every day that respect me.  And I think I just figured it all out. 

And I'm making music.  And I'm fuckin' good at it.  And I'm good enough.  And I'm smart enough.  And gosh-darn-it...go F off.

-dp

Still gotta be better.

Observing the flow of traffic, the flows of time and space, the gaps between confidence and fear.  I am not exactly an expert.  I am not sure what is right, what should happen next.  I am just going to go with the flow.s of time and space, the flow of traffic.  No speeding through the cosmos.  No speeding tickets.

It was a long drive to Calfornia, but there is no one I would've rather had sitting next to me.  She knows this.  I'm just saying it here, for posterity's sake.

Life otherwise carries on, unabated.  I am feeling good about it.  No more of the weak stuff.  Enough with the sad stuff. 

Just be better.  It's all you can do, short of nothing at all. 

-dp